I feel writing an essay in these wee hour of Sundays. Waking up at 3am with so many words in your heads. So to empty my mind and fill my heart. I wrote a note with my soul attached in it. I’m sorry it is long.
What hurt the most in a women part is when she is starting to realize that little by little our fear of being lonely is slowly happening. Because of us and no one but us.
We are sometimes a paradox. We want to be happy, but we think of the things that make us sad. We hate drama but we are the one creating it. We are so lazy yet we are cover with ambitious dreams, desires and likes. We don’t like ourselves but we love who we are. We say we don’t care even if really do. We fucking crave for attention but when it comes we push it away until it never go back. We don’t want to feel so alone but what we do is to hate people. We love someone yet we keep denying until they get tired of loving us. We are complicated at our best. We are all conflicted contradiction.
As the sun set, as we walk along the road and see couples out there. We had this annoying feeling of jealousy. Yes jealousy at some point you ask this to yourself where is mine? what happen to my prince charming? or why did I let him go and settle for being alone reminiscing happy memories with him? Wishing being his girl again? The feeling of breaking down because you tired of being alone. But you have to keep moving on and going home thinking of all the possibilities in life having someone to hold on to. Walking away with all those emotions you don’t like.
It seems like the cold atmosphere is embracing you. The music of your favorite band and singers happens to understand how you are. Then Tears fall all of sudden. Tears that you don’t even know the reason why? Remembering pictures you have captured together. The intensity of being his girl and his being there for you. And you slowly had this hard things inside that you can’t explain. Words that were left unspoken. At the back of your mind you have millions of questions everyday why you need to end up this way when you used to be so happy in love together yesterday. Recognizing that he totally move on loving new girl. Which cause you more pain then you just want to close your eyes remembering how he look and gaze at your eyes as if your were his everything. Waking up in the reality that you two let the fire die. Missing something you can never bring a whirlwind past and lost future. (Listen to when it was me of Paula DeAnda I promised that you feel every line of the song)
Singleness kills you most of the moment when you are watching movies and reading books all day long. Imagining how it feels to be someones world. wondering how it feels like being Juliet, Anastasia, and Louise. Dreaming of a happy love story. Starting to write a message of love and quotes as if you are in that state. But the reality knock you down because you never been. Every words is just a heart desired wanting to be kiss, hug, cuddle and loved. Every letter is a letter to no one. And every note is wrote to escape. Walking like you are happy outside. So that no one will notice how you feel bored in your life. Running wild and free to jump in your fantasy that you are okay everyday. Having no inspiration or someone who will become afraid of losing you. Riding and traveling around the world to see love. Searching and searching to feel affection and attention. Looking for your forever or soul mate. So your trying to be that woman that a better man will appreciate. And the hell truth no one cares even you look perfectly beautiful and even if you get the most expensive dress or make up just to be head turner lady.
We get confused, lost and hopeless of ourselves we believe in so many sayings like “True Love wait” what the F?? how long should I wait?? “stand up in the full moon bring mirror and ask who will it be” You’ve done it so many times and you almost break pieces of glass from the mirror because of anger. Your impatient because you cant measure how far should you be in that situation. Freaking out and haunting someone to fix you. But no one really do. And you just end up laying in bed praying that you can find him, a man who is completely deserving. a man you want to have and marry for the rest of your days. Those are the prayers that never been answered. ( Listen to somebody out there of a rocket to the moon)
This is the reality that we hide deep within our bones. The truth is we all hope for our own love story a story that we will treasure and forever loved. But we are afraid of starting over again or even trying to get out of the shell of being no boyfriend since birth so we lie and keep the real deal in unreveal. And even we deny it one step at a time we begin to accept our darkest nightmare. We fear for those things and in the end our fear consumed us already. In a sense when memories and dreams become nonsense. When “I love you” has runs out magic spell and meaning. And when you are breathing and existing but not living.
What hurt the most in a women part is when she is starting to realize that little by little our fear of being lonely is slowly happening. Because of us and no one but us.
We are sometimes a paradox. We want to be happy, but we think of the things that make us sad. We hate drama but we are the one creating it. We are so lazy yet we are cover with ambitious dreams, desires and likes. We don’t like ourselves but we love who we are. We say we don’t care even if really do. We fucking crave for attention but when it comes we push it away until it never go back. We don’t want to feel so alone but what we do is to hate people. We love someone yet we keep denying until they get tired of loving us. We are complicated at our best. We are all conflicted contradiction.
As the sun set, as we walk along the road and see couples out there. We had this annoying feeling of jealousy. Yes jealousy at some point you ask this to yourself where is mine? what happen to my prince charming? or why did I let him go and settle for being alone reminiscing happy memories with him? Wishing being his girl again? The feeling of breaking down because you tired of being alone. But you have to keep moving on and going home thinking of all the possibilities in life having someone to hold on to. Walking away with all those emotions you don’t like.
It seems like the cold atmosphere is embracing you. The music of your favorite band and singers happens to understand how you are. Then Tears fall all of sudden. Tears that you don’t even know the reason why? Remembering pictures you have captured together. The intensity of being his girl and his being there for you. And you slowly had this hard things inside that you can’t explain. Words that were left unspoken. At the back of your mind you have millions of questions everyday why you need to end up this way when you used to be so happy in love together yesterday. Recognizing that he totally move on loving new girl. Which cause you more pain then you just want to close your eyes remembering how he look and gaze at your eyes as if your were his everything. Waking up in the reality that you two let the fire die. Missing something you can never bring a whirlwind past and lost future. (Listen to when it was me of Paula DeAnda I promised that you feel every line of the song)
Singleness kills you most of the moment when you are watching movies and reading books all day long. Imagining how it feels to be someones world. wondering how it feels like being Juliet, Anastasia, and Louise. Dreaming of a happy love story. Starting to write a message of love and quotes as if you are in that state. But the reality knock you down because you never been. Every words is just a heart desired wanting to be kiss, hug, cuddle and loved. Every letter is a letter to no one. And every note is wrote to escape. Walking like you are happy outside. So that no one will notice how you feel bored in your life. Running wild and free to jump in your fantasy that you are okay everyday. Having no inspiration or someone who will become afraid of losing you. Riding and traveling around the world to see love. Searching and searching to feel affection and attention. Looking for your forever or soul mate. So your trying to be that woman that a better man will appreciate. And the hell truth no one cares even you look perfectly beautiful and even if you get the most expensive dress or make up just to be head turner lady.
We get confused, lost and hopeless of ourselves we believe in so many sayings like “True Love wait” what the F?? how long should I wait?? “stand up in the full moon bring mirror and ask who will it be” You’ve done it so many times and you almost break pieces of glass from the mirror because of anger. Your impatient because you cant measure how far should you be in that situation. Freaking out and haunting someone to fix you. But no one really do. And you just end up laying in bed praying that you can find him, a man who is completely deserving. a man you want to have and marry for the rest of your days. Those are the prayers that never been answered. ( Listen to somebody out there of a rocket to the moon)
This is the reality that we hide deep within our bones. The truth is we all hope for our own love story a story that we will treasure and forever loved. But we are afraid of starting over again or even trying to get out of the shell of being no boyfriend since birth so we lie and keep the real deal in unreveal. And even we deny it one step at a time we begin to accept our darkest nightmare. We fear for those things and in the end our fear consumed us already. In a sense when memories and dreams become nonsense. When “I love you” has runs out magic spell and meaning. And when you are breathing and existing but not living.
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